Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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