Non-Jews are for practice
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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