I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
