...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
