tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
