So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
