Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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