Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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