I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
