seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
