That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
