i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
