who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have post one night stand depression
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