Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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