im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
