You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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