Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
