Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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