Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
