I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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