Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
