I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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