there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
