Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
