I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
