then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
