she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
