so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
