so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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