Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Boobs speak an international language.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize