NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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