I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
