god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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