I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
