The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
