just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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