so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
