She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize