oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
