I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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