just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
