you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Where is the hickey?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
