its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
