Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
