how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
