It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
