Your face is a jimmy john
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
