I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize