Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
