You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
