its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
