Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
