I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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