why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
