My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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