My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
