he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
