There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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