as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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