You're so nebulous sometimes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
