I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
