My balls are so social today.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
