I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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