I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
