So drunk its hurt
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
