just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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