I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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