hotel room ftw
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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