just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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