Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
